Today one month has passed since Zaria died in our arms. I can't say that the hurt of the loss has lessened or the huge array of emotions are not as strong. Perhaps a difference is that they aren't as foreign as they were that first week or two after her passing. Finally, after being back in NC for a week and a half, I have set up a special space in our room with their sweet mementos. It really soothes me to have these things available to see all the time, makes me feel more at home.
Yesterday we had our third Memorial for our twin baby girls. Another beautiful setting, another group of loving community and another ceremony that we will take bits and pieces from to savor over the years. I had hoped for the gathering to partly be a big thank you to the folks that have been sharing their love and time with us during the last couple months. I wanted the chance to finally do for all of them. But it wasn't to be as I had thought; friends and family stepped forward to help create the scene for a wonderful party full of good food and friends and special treats. Luke and I showed up to provide a slide show, the girls' mementos, and hugs and tales that we have long wanted to share with folks.
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| so many emotions in this string of pics |
The crowning piece of the experience was the children's part of the ceremony. They were given the opportunity to create boats in honor of the two small sisters. Using natural ingredients the kids decorated bark boats with flowers, seeds and such adhered by candle wax. We all trailed down to the river and big sister and brother led the procession in sending these symbols of life into the water. It was a sight for my heart to savor: beautiful children in our life, families lining the banks, and a beautiful background of nature.
A few of the families stayed to camp in the forest. The kids put on shows and went crazy and parents gathered to sing and play music and commune around the campfire. The following day we made our way back to the river. We saw a couple boats from the evening prior and I sat on rocks in the river to reflect over the preciousness of life. We are such hardy creatures and yet also our mortality leaves us being so fragile. So many thoughts, so many tears shed and choked back, and so many days to face without our baby girls. It is hard to figure out how to do this? How do you make a plan for your emotions? stay tuned....
