I wish....I wish.....I wish
I have been finding myself saying this quite often lately. My memories will flash through my head out of nowhere and they all are so bittersweet.
I was singing songs with my kids yesterday and I couldn't think of any that I knew all the way through other than Christmas songs and lullabies. We sang a few tunes from each of those genres and I began sharing with the kids where I learned the lullabies or which ones they seemed to like. Then I said "I wish I would have sang more to Zaria in the NICU." Why didn't I? Why was I more reserved most of the time she was there?
As we lay in bed tonight before starting our reading my little boy asked what I wished for? The first and only thing I could think of and tell him that I wished I was still pregnant.
The first and one of the few times my husband and I had alone together when my tummy was big with babies we sat on our couch and watched a movie (last movie I have seen as it brings back this memory). I lay his strong, hard working hand on my belly to feel his babies move and kick. I remember this so clearly and I wish we had more of these memories to hold.
I wish I would have known more about premature labor. I wish I would have demanded the OB leave 'twin B' in the womb since my body was closing up anyway. I wish she would have had more time to grow before she had to take on the outside world.
I wish I was a better mother.
I wish I had a chocolate bar.
I pray I can give birth again, safely, and add to my family.
PS I do want to share this book as all of the poems can be turned into great little songs.
CATCH ME AND KISS ME AND SAY IT AGAIN
by Clyde Watson
This is a poem turned lullaby that we sang to Zaria before her short sweet life ended:
I have been finding myself saying this quite often lately. My memories will flash through my head out of nowhere and they all are so bittersweet.
I was singing songs with my kids yesterday and I couldn't think of any that I knew all the way through other than Christmas songs and lullabies. We sang a few tunes from each of those genres and I began sharing with the kids where I learned the lullabies or which ones they seemed to like. Then I said "I wish I would have sang more to Zaria in the NICU." Why didn't I? Why was I more reserved most of the time she was there?
As we lay in bed tonight before starting our reading my little boy asked what I wished for? The first and only thing I could think of and tell him that I wished I was still pregnant.
The first and one of the few times my husband and I had alone together when my tummy was big with babies we sat on our couch and watched a movie (last movie I have seen as it brings back this memory). I lay his strong, hard working hand on my belly to feel his babies move and kick. I remember this so clearly and I wish we had more of these memories to hold.
I wish I would have known more about premature labor. I wish I would have demanded the OB leave 'twin B' in the womb since my body was closing up anyway. I wish she would have had more time to grow before she had to take on the outside world.
I wish I was a better mother.
I wish I had a chocolate bar.
I pray I can give birth again, safely, and add to my family.
PS I do want to share this book as all of the poems can be turned into great little songs.
CATCH ME AND KISS ME AND SAY IT AGAIN
by Clyde Watson
This is a poem turned lullaby that we sang to Zaria before her short sweet life ended:
Hush a bye my darlin' don't you make a peep
Little creatures everywhere are settling down to sleep
Fishes in the millpond
Goslings in the barn
Kitten by the fireside
Baby in my arms
Listen to the raindrops
Singing you to sleep
Hush a bye my darlin'
Don't you make a peep.
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| Zaria as we sang a goodbye lullabye. |
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