The emotions that come out of nowhere and bring me to my knees with tears and agony...really they do happen. I have a close friend who birthed her baby last night. I only wish them health and happiness. I am so jealous and unhappy. She is holding; I am not. She is nursing; I am not. She has a living breathing baby; I do not.
Yep, enough crazy feelings to choke a horse.
And for the words that some folks share about being strong, building a new life, the babies gifted you such and such, there is a reason....at this point I am incapable of internalizing these messages. I just think, yeah right, whatever (without feeling disrespectful to the speaker).
What to do now....
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