the twinflower

Twinflower

Linnaea borealis

This is the week I plan my third memorial. Who knew? I love my daughters so very much. I want to be able to celebrate this journey I am taking with them but that is harder than any physical feat I could describe. At least for right now. NOW I just miss them and I want them and I don't want to look for the meaning or the bright side or the message. I really don't, not NOW.

I am thinking of what to share at the memorial and then some thought dawns on me that makes me scared. What about Abigail? So much is said and thought of and even experienced with Zaria. I didn't even hold Abigail. I couldn't contemplate that as I lay in the hospital thinking of my living twin daughter in the NICU. It just didn't seem right; my intuition said it wasn't right for me. But now I think, maybe I was wrong. I still don't know how to give her the attention she deserves. Perhaps it will come as I travel through this grieving process. My little twinflower, my little Abigail Linnaea, I do love and cherish you....