Letter from July 30, 8:16pm/PST

Little Zaria is hanging tough.  We saw a heart echo yesterday and the
drugs have not help close the PDA(ductus arteriosis).  Since most
other things are currently stable we may be able to wait a couple days
to decide on the next course of action.  Pretty much there are three
choices and they all come with various 'could be' harmful side
effects.  One is to try another round of the drugs (i think it is
Indomethacin).  Another is to wait and see if it closes on its own.
Finally is surgery which obviously Luke and I want to avoid if
possible, although it is fairly common with these little ones.  This
week's doctor was hinting that she didn't really know the best idea
and that Luke and I would need to have some part in the decision.  We
are hoping for a different doc to come on tomorrow, especially if it
is our fav and a pediatric cardiologist.

Her brain scan came back unchanged which is good in my eyes, meaning
the bleeding has not spread any more.

The picture below is of her new 'cadaillac' Giraffe bed that provides
a more 'womb like' environment and keeps her more comfortable.

This picture is of the little table we set up at Abigail's life celebration.
The orchid represented her twin sister
Zaria and was sent to us from Old South Community Garden.  The picture
is of the twinflower which is where we got her middle name Linnaea.
The nurse made the plaque with an imprint of her feet and hands.

I think the ceremony was really good for the kids.  For Demetrius it
gives him a concrete point of reference.  For Delta she was able to
grieve and pray and understand more.  She said she really misses her

sister and kept the space around the set up calm and protected from

the rest of the attendees.  We were surrounded by family which lent it

self to a strong support for all of us.  Our family farmer friend sent an email
with the poem from King Solomon "A time to kill, a time to heal......"
This was a comfort for me as it helped organize my feelings and thoughts.
We read it at the ceremony.

The kids are doing OK.  Coughs are still hanging on a bit and they are
missing their home and friends and pets.  They do talk more about
Zaria:  loving and protecting her and Demetrius is excited to see her
in 14 weeks(his words).  Thankfully we have such supportive and
helpful family and they love hanging out with their cousins which are
each one year younger then Delta and Demetrius.
Luke goes every night to sit with Zaria and we try to go together for
a few hours during the day.  I will take the early morning shift as
soon as I can drive.  My c-section wound is certainly still bothering
me and I really try not to think about it as it makes me cringe.
Luke and I will go to my OB appt on Tuesday afternoon to get checked
out, ask questions about the surgery and the pathology of Abigail's
placenta.  Erin suggested I take some Rescue Remedy before the appt.
as I am unsure how I will be able to be civil to the OB.  I have
so much anger and frustration around my treatment during labor and
delivery.
Pumping is going well but is certainly demanding.  Every two hours I
try to clock in although today was a treat as I was able to sit by
Zaria's bedside to pump (I usually go to a little room down the hall).